Leo’s: A Fashion Travesty

We’ve all seen Beyonce shakin it in her video for “Single Ladies”, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mVEGfH4s5g) and if you haven’t, you’ve seen about a million spoofs of it. My main concern with that video is not Beyonce’s crazy dance moves or her diva attitude, I’m all over those. I take issue with her attire. The classic black leotard. Now, you may be thinking, That leo looked great on her! Her body was rockin’ and my eyes weren’t complainin’. And I couldn’t agree with you more. But there is something startling at hand here that requires a look beyond the talents and rockin body of Beyonce Knowles. Let’s take a closer look at the fashion travesty that is taking place with the current trend of leo-wearing that is spreading like an epidemic throughout popular culture.

As I observe the current trends of the fashion world, I can’t help but notice that leotards are adorning the bodies of some of music’s hottest stars of the moment. I will admit that those wearing them (excluding Beyonce) aren’t some of my fave performers. In fact, I don’t like them at all. But a couple of the hottest on the leo-wearing list are Lady Ga Ga and Katy Perry. After having made the astonishing realization that leos are taking pop culture by storm, I discussed this fashion statement with my mother. I wondered when exactly were leotards stolen from the ballet studio and accepted as attire for the dance floor or onstage?! When, Mother, When??!

According to my lovely mother, the youngin’s of her time wore leos regularly…under their jeans. But no more. In the year 2009, the leo has busted free from its denim prison and has made the scene in arrays of neon glory. I would now like to provide you with a few examples to help you better visualize the leotard trend on media’s most favorite stars:

lohanleotard02Here we have Lindsay Lohan sporting a brightly striped leotard that reminds us very much of the Jane Fonda aerobics days. Really Lindsay? Really. madonna_leotard_0630_300

Next, we observe Madonna, throwing a medieval corset looking spin on the leo. Oh my. To her credit: Madonna’s been rockin the leos for years. Ya’ll just took a while to catch up to her.

leotard_american apparel

Here we have what seems to be an American Aparrel ad for a couple of fashionable leos. You can happily log onto their website and order yourself one, I’m sure (http://www.americanapparelstore.com/). Question: When you buy one of these…where are you gonna wear it? I mean, you can’t just bust out a leo for any old occasion, say on a trip to Wal-Mart or to a graduation party. When is the leo an acceptable clothing item to wear? I need answers.conservative leo

Here is a more conservative version of the leo. Very retro looking. Why they chose to have the model’s bra showing, I have no idea. But hey, what do I know?! Those fashion photographers – They’ve got an eye for these kind of things. So I’ll trust their judgment.

body_leotard_4And this is what I like to call the Long Johns Leo. This look is especially great for Christmas parties, if you order them in this lovely red shade pictured. It would also greatly add to the look if you had no fat on your body. Whatsoever.

Throughout my research on Leotard Fashion, I have come upon a startling amount of Lady Ga Gapictures. I must say, she seems to prefer the leo to any other fashion. She wears em all the time. Her fashions range from geometric shapes to little red riding hood creations. I will now provide you with a series of photos illustrating the creative ways in which she wears the classic leo:

littleredwhiteLady Gagablack

I can’t lie, after seeing the leo on well-toned bodies, I can begin to appreciate some of them. I find myeslf becoming more open-minded to the trend and seeing it as more of a fashion statement – kind of an artistic expression. Then, I catch myself in this ridiculous train of thought when I realize that where the stars will go, the fans will follow. My friends, it is only a matter of time before the good people of our nation will believe that they too can sport the skin tight, wedgie inducing leo. And when that day comes, I will stand on the corners in protest of the travesty occuring. My sign shall read: “If you jiggle, into the leo you shall not wiggle.” And I do not take this threat lightly.

Here is an example of this trend slowly making its way into retail stores across our nation. Pictured below is my dear friend Rachel, who happened upon a jumpsuit that is dangerously close to the leo that we all know and fear. This bedazzled fashion horror is considered acceptable attire for a night out clubbing. It is only a matter of time until the golden studded shorts are cut underwear-style to make the complete transformation into leotard.

rachel

And that expression on my friend Emily‘s face behind her?? That will be the very expression on those of us still clinging to our sanity, who have not crossed over to the dark side of leotard-wearing fools. We will stare in surprised uneasy-ness as the women of our country parade around in ill-fitting, jaw-dropping, sequined-sparkling leos.

We’ve all witnessed the leggingsmake a come back. And now the leo shall rise up and take her place among the discarded attire of the past that is now the raging fashion trend. I warn you America: Be wise with your bodies. Just because Katy Perry wears it, does not mean you have to as well. It is hardly acceptable for any woman who doesn’t have a stick thin figure to wear this sort of thing out in the world, where she can be witnessed by scruitinizing eyes. And the margin of women who in fact are stick thin (quite microscopic a margin in ournation) should not even venture to try this fashion trend. It just aint decent. I’m trying to save you, women of America! If you absolutely must own one of these travesties, I beg of you – in the privacy of your own homes!

-V

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